Donald Trump has yet to assume the office of President, but the man is already approaching foreign policy the way Godzilla goes after Tokyo.
He’s stomping all over the toes of American allies and loudly promising to annex everyone within a stone’s throw of the border and even those across the pond. Unsurprisingly, most of the world is already over his absolute nonsense, and average citizens can do little but wonder how a North American conflict will affect the price of eggs.
Meanwhile, Trump is completely reversing on his previous — and current — istration’s goals to oust every immigrant they can in order to keep Elon Musk happy. Trump is more than happy to listen to Musk’s demands for more foreign workers, because apparently, the only good immigrant is one willing to do a $200,000 tech job for $40k.
We should know better than to think his army of loyal followers would possibly see this as a betrayal of the “build that wall” diatribe. Instead, their adoration seems to have exploded to Gilead levels of zealotry. Jesse Watters is actively licking Trump’s boots, claiming that everyone in the rest of the world should be grateful to have their rights stomped on and completely negating Republicans’ obsession with the “don’t tread on me” Gadsden flag. The soon-to-be felon-in-chief must never want for toilet paper, as Marjorie Taylor Greene has ed in on the butt-kissing, declaring that Kamala Harris must have been involved with election fraud. You know, in the election she lost. What a month to stop drinking.
Dookie Don spirals into dementia with fresh threats against everyone from Canada and the Gulf of Mexico to Greenland
Trump has yet to step foot in the Oval Office, but 47 is already lighting international relationship fires across the globe. It’s one thing to play strongman when it comes to American enemies, but the geriatric president is slinging mud at some of our closest allies — and more than one is already over his inane bullying.
Trump’s baseless threats started with Mexico after the former reality TV host claimed that the United States should annex the sovereign nation. Mexican president renamed the “Gulf of America” despite the U.S. owning less than half of the body of water.
Determined to stir the pot, he turned his attention to our neighbor to the north, claiming that Justin Trudeau’s resignation and his ceaseless jabs have prompted Canadians across the internet to grapple with the idea that they might have to defend themselves from a potential American invasion. Whether he means to take both Canada and Mexico by force has yet to be seen, but those 3am tweets read more like the insane ramblings of a dementia-riddled man than actual policy-making. Make no mistake, however: starting a war on both the Northern and Southern borders would likely end very badly for Americans.
If threatening the nations currently resting on our borders wasn’t enough, Trump has also aimed his bombastic ramblings at Panama. He bizarrely believes that the Panamanian government is somehow shadow-controlled by the Chinese and has decided the construction should belong to the U.S. His threats have ignited a back-and-forth with Panamanian president José Raúl Mulino, who said in no uncertain that the Canal belongs to Panama and that America is in no way being stiffed on shipping prices.
Daddy Trump isn’t the only one making baseless threats across the globe, as Donald Trump Jr. recently popped off with some exhausting, it should belong to America for “security reasons,” leaving Danes scratching their heads at the unwarranted threat.
The Trumps don’t seem to grasp that many of the sovereign territories they intend to grab have better health care systems, infrastructure, or are directly responsible for helping America maintain border security (just ask Ukraine how living next to a belligerent bully is going), but their threats have nothing to do with running a country. Instead, Trump and his followers are determined to spin the excessive instigation as “trolling” or “negotiating,” but level-headed Americans can only wring their hands and hope that the bombastic nonsense comes to an end before we’re forced to choose between our country or actual sanity.
Cursed court jester Jesse Watters broadly claims that everyone’s dream is to become an American citizen. Sure, Jan.
No one expects a single coherent thought to spark life into the empty void that is Fox News host Jesse Watters’ brain, but sometimes he still manages to impress with his incredible grasp of the absurd. His latest Olympic-level idiocy saw the brainless insult to journalism claim offense, and all because Canada isn’t interested in being conquered by the United States.
Putting aside the fact that pretty much no one, anywhere, has ever been grateful for a hostile takeover, Watters had the gall to falsely proclaim that it is actually a “privilege” to be taken over by the U.S., adding, “That’s what everybody else in the world wants — American citizenship.” That couldn’t be farther from the truth, particularly in the wake of Trump’s election, but Watters isn’t interested in silly little things like facts. He’s too busy being “personally offended” that Canada isn’t chomping at the bit to become America’s 51st state, as if anyone out there wants to the country that claims Jesse Watters as one of its own.
Thanks, but no thanks.
To get the rest of the first political tea of the year, which this week includes Andrew Tate’s bid for prime minister, fresh accusations from the GOP’s own Bellatrix Lestrange, and the worst take on taxes you’ve ever heard, be sure to sign up for WGTC’s They Said What?! Newsletter.
Published: Jan 10, 2025 04:57 pm